Honest to goodness, cross my heart, I was struck down with a flu that left me incapacitated for nearly two weeks, only enough to miss work but not enough that I couldn’t pop in a few dvds to watch and plump up my own pillows.
It was on one of those bad cold days, during my late night BBC marathon, and in the middle of Mr. Rochester [Toby Stephens] pinning Jane [Ruth Wilson] on her bed and kissing her passionately in an attempt to seduce her into staying at Thornfield, that my pedobear Cantonese boyfriend who [in his own words] slightly resembles Sammul Chan but with the rich velvety baritone of Ron Ng, strides into my room, VCR under one arm and brown paper bag under another, filled to the top with video tapes, one which fell out with a clatter onto my wood floors. I glanced warily at the yellowed, moldy, peeling masking tape labeled “Aqua Heroes.”
He told me to “quit watching that porn”, nudged my mewling tabbies out of the way, shut off my DVD player, and – ignoring my nasally objections – started to plug the VCR into my 19-inch TV.
Apparently he had just been digging in his garage and found another “TVB” [Hong Kong television] series for me
to thumb my nose at. I heard only the words love triangle and speedos, before groaning in despair.
Never mind that I’ve been traumatized in childhood by the sight of one overweight man in a speedo, or the fact that he had already frightened away my ailing mother with No Regrets, a series filled with seething anti-Japanese sentiments, but there aren’t any English subtitles, and I can’t even speak Cantonese!
Shimpai shinaide kudasai, he says, patting my head. No matter, for he will narrate all twenty episodes for me.
900 minutes later, after surviving past that difficult and treacherous battlefield filled with martial arts swimming, fake tears and bad acting, I was determined to rise once again. Unfortunately I lost my Portable HD and a few intended releases will be delayed for a few more days while they go under the knife at our quality-check table, but we hope to appease you temporarily with a few releases on this special day.
Please read with caution, for they are so hot, I fear they may set your clothes on fire. 😉
Our next release line-up for February is as follows:
3 am Dangerous Zone Ch. 1 + Ch. 2, Heartbroken Chocolatier Ch. 1, Kiyoku Yawaku Volume 1, Ch. 3 [Joint w/ Perfect Illusions], Mani Mani Story 3 [Joint w/ Hotcakes], Sekine’s Love Ch. 2, Vanilla Oneshot.