So Tell Us What You Want, What You Really, Really Want

In between my aunt (dad’s sister) trying to set me up on a Skype date with the swamp creature from Chiang Mai (yes, she’s still at it),

Crazy Aunt: You make friend with him online na? He’ll like you. All the boy eats is sushi, sushi, sushi.
Mimi finds this slightly offensive.

my mother attempting to fob me off to a Zainichi jigolo at her friend’s house-party,

Mimi Mama (trying to peel Mimi’s sweater off her shoulder with the fluorish of a magician performing a magic trick on a tablecloth): Don’t wear your sweater.
Mimi (struggling out of her mother’s vice-like grip): No, I am not going to take off my sweater, thank you very much.
Mimi Mama: Don’t be stubborn, it must be hot. Look at how much you’re sweating.
Mimi (shielding her moist armpits): I’m fine the way I am, thank you very much.
Mimi Mama: Everybody is at pool in a bathing suit talking to him, and you hide in corner with the rest of spinsters wearing a sweater that makes you look like grandma! What on earth did I do to deserve this?

and The Fridge Tyrant’s going away party @ Octopus,

Fridge Tyrant slides into the seat beside her, cradling a plate of Philadelphia rolls.
Mimi: I’m glad you’re moving on. You were a terrible assistant anyway.
Fridge Tyrant: Aw, you know you love me.
A short moment elapses which seems like eternity where Fridge Tyrant’s ears turn red and Mimi avoids embarrassment for the both of them by feigning interest in the gonads of a sea urchin eerily translucent under the crappy, LED lights.

I’ve barely had enough time to process my life and the fact that I’ve turned twenty-freaking-nine. As I’m sure you already know, this is especially in regards to relationships. My friend’s wedding today has set me on a fierce campaign of self-examination. Everyone thinks I’m being too picky, that I should just settle. But whyyyyyyyyy? What if I don’t want to settle? Is the world, as they know it, going to end if I die a spinster with nine cats? Anyway, it’s my business if I’m being unrealistic and desire a romance with the sort of infectious chemistry akin to Alek and Joy Rinlanee:

(I just had to fit this video in somewhere as these two are my current obsessions. /screams like a dying goat)

If love has to come, then I want it to whack me so hard, just clock me, right here, in the eye, so that I’ll forget my own name and whether or not I still have feet underneath me. Let it insinuate itself through my door like an unfurling inferno, so fast and strong that it will tear down the stone walls of Angkor Wat, unhinge the aqueducts of Italy, yet still have the restoring power of a phoenix. Why can’t I wait for that kind of love, even if it means I’ve gotta be single for the rest of my life?

Flashbacks of my friend’s gruesome bridal shower last month, when they forced me to wear a toilet paper wedding dress, flash before my eyes as I’m writing this. Uh, yeah, about that… Forget weddings and bridal showers and all that. I don’t want that. I don’t want my friends to drape themselves in paper toilet just to appease my insatiable lust for humor. Oh, my god, no.

Anyway, the family (dad’s side) are all in town for this friend’s wedding and we are going to throw a big backyard barbecue over the next two days. I know these strange creatures who my dad forces me to do a “wai” greeting to every chance he gets, will be asking me the most degrading thing possible: “Why aren’t you with anyone?” How do I know this is going to happen? Because they always do. But I’m not yet desperate enough to hire a fake boyfriend, or old enough to not give a damn and get drunk on alcoholic punch, but I think my current go-to line – “I’m a deviant…and prefer animals to men” – is getting a bit stale. Please, please, please if you have any suggestions on how to answer, “Why aren’t you with anyone?” be sure to let me know. I want an arsenal of comebacks ready to let fly.

Anyway, enough riffraff from me. What you really want are the releases, and oh, do we have some wonderful goodies for you! Thank you, Heels’ Staff. I had a blast reading and crying and laughing through them all. (Teke Teke ch.10 is missing but only for a short while!)

&-and- Ch.14: Shiro gets his thunder stolen.

Himawari Story2: A heartwarming tale about a woman and her cat that subjected both xochie and I to tears.

Sekine’s Love ch.21: Too many feels!

Tokyo Alice ch.7: Okuzono and Arisugawa are infectiously sweet. 🙂

Uploads to the reader and updates for Tokyo Alice will happen tomorrow. As for right now, I need to get out of this dress, which I have been wearing ever since the wedding this morning and have not had time to change out of. ( -。-)