December 14, 2019, 08:52:00 AM

Author Topic: Best/Worst thing that happened today  (Read 812603 times)

Hats

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #270 on: May 03, 2018, 04:40:31 PM »
It's been a while since I posted here myself. Apartment-hunting was a total nightmare, omg! The "slumlord" at my old place wanted me to stay and pay rent, while they did showings 3 days out of the week, and the stress was totally killing me. I kept having to box up my manga and PC during showings, and it was just really inconvenient all around.  :2ndlump:

After months and months of searching, I found a cute little apartment close to work. Once our internet is up at home, I can be more active again.

Kusa, if you read this, let me know how the reunion with your high school friend went?

And everyone else, I hope you are all doing OK.
In Progress : [Translating]
& Vol.5, ch25-26 TLcheck: in progress
3 AM Terrible Zone Vol.1, ch04-06: in progress
Ane no Kekkon Vol.4,ch19-24: in progress
Futago Vol.1, ch01-05v2, Vol.5, ch25&extras: in progress
Heartbroken Chocolatier Vol.2, ch06: in progress
Love Master X Vol.1, ch03-ch05: in progress
Nina My Love Vol.3, ch.21: in progress
Suppli Vol.1,ch03-06: in progress
Teke Teke Rendezvous Vol.2, ch17: in progress
Toribako House Vol.1, ch08: in progress

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #271 on: August 01, 2018, 08:44:28 AM »
Hats! Do you live by yourself now? Congratulations! Do you love occupying and living in your own little space?

The years speed by. I've professionally been a software engineer for almost two years. I changed companies (don't know if I mentioned). A lot of things about it are better than the previous French company, other than the suckier benefits and slightly toxic (but female and multifaceted) CEO and perhaps room for improvement in technical mentorship. I still subject myself to demoralizing pressure sometimes and have suffered from a more substantial imposter syndrome since I joined this new company (new challenges, new pecking order -- I was used to being the best of the engineers of my rank!) but I'm quite fortunate and enjoy life quite well often enough in my own time. I'm now friends with some people at work! ;O

Somehow we accumulated too many casual friend groups and committing time to spending time with each of these parties got to be too draining recently. I may have made one of our closest casual acquaintances (who happens to want a lot of time with her chosen friends and seems to have a habit of getting a bit salty in part caused by issues with self-esteem) upset by communicating that to her poorly after the fact. I'll have to touch base with her tomorrow to check if she's upset.

In the dating department, it's been hard for me to really connect with men off of tinder. I told Kusa I'm waiting for someone to penetrate the thick ostrich egg shell (reserve) I've manifested around myself because I am so used to being self-reliant and not sharing my mind's bandwith / vesting a lvl of personal identity in others that is implied in romantic connections, on insignificant others. I've been meeting this 40-yr-old man because he's moderately interesting and it's nicer not to commit myself to men of my age who are immature due to their age (not that I can say this man is superordinately mature just because of his age, but there's less suffocating implications to meeting someone so distant in age). Infrequently though. Friends, I still have not entered the realm of physical intimacy! at 24 years. But I did get a birth control implant so I'm ready when the serendipitous opportunity strikes. Although I admit most times I find the prospect alien and far from reach of my daily reality.


This is not the exactly correctly-timed gif (the appropriate gif is when this character drills into the ostrich egg with a mini-stake and a hammer moments prior) but you must watch ep 6 of Atlanta s2. Preferably after watching all the previous episodes of Atlanta.

I've been kissed once by a boy* (*yes I mean a boy, he's the prime example of immature 23-year-olds that I meant above) on a tinder date. I did not like it; so worth declaring the only time I've been kissed by a boy, I didn't like it.

My current mentality is to meet many, not find The One, since tinder dates usually don't deliver but I feel guilty when I'm not pursuing any dating experience. (For a while before, my only mentality was "First dates feel like a chore and I can't really connect with plebs from tinder so there's no point in bothering {BUT I feel guilty for abandoning dating at my life stage}.") I'm a little hopeful about a cute, decent-seeming black boy I matched with on tinder and had some convo with. He games, is physically cute enough and seems decent personality/intellect-wise. If anything comes of it, I will update* (*said with insubstantial commitment).
« Last Edit: August 01, 2018, 08:59:46 AM by cocoyam »

Hats

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #272 on: August 01, 2018, 07:01:05 PM »
cocoyam, how I've missed you! Say hello to Kusa for me as well. Yes, I'm by myself now. My original plan when I wrote that post was to move with my sister's family, but the space was just too small, and we couldn't find a decent 3-bedroom for our price range. Also, it was kind of wearing us down thin living together. I think this move was for the best. My absolute worse fear was having to move back in with my parents, and second worse, my boyfriend. But this studio will do for now.

That ostrich egg is gigantic! The man who wins over my cocoyam's heart deserves a round of applause. I'm excited for you about this interesting black boy though. Hmm, could he be the one? //nudge nudge// Ok, I'll stop being annoying now. You're not even looking for The One.

And I think that's apt. I suppose there's no such thing. But I do believe that win when you have a long-term relationship and get to know the intimate details of that person, it will feel exactly like they are "The One." Like you're two pieces of a puzzle. 

I'll check out Atlanta. Where can I stream it though? I don't have cable. So hard for me to catch shows on TV.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2018, 09:47:48 PM by Hats »
In Progress : [Translating]
& Vol.5, ch25-26 TLcheck: in progress
3 AM Terrible Zone Vol.1, ch04-06: in progress
Ane no Kekkon Vol.4,ch19-24: in progress
Futago Vol.1, ch01-05v2, Vol.5, ch25&extras: in progress
Heartbroken Chocolatier Vol.2, ch06: in progress
Love Master X Vol.1, ch03-ch05: in progress
Nina My Love Vol.3, ch.21: in progress
Suppli Vol.1,ch03-06: in progress
Teke Teke Rendezvous Vol.2, ch17: in progress
Toribako House Vol.1, ch08: in progress

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #273 on: August 03, 2018, 06:52:19 AM »
I think you can watch Atlanta on Hulu! Although, we *may* have watched on fmovies or 123movies a few times. *ahem* We don't have cable either. ^^;

I like the show because I can relate to the characters and the cinematography is sometimes beautiful, but I'm not sure it's everyone's jam. Still, I like to spread what I enjoy just in case someone else finds as much joy as I do in it.

Thanks for your encouragement :ohh: I'm glad you moved out if it was wearing you thin. Independence is sometimes beautiful!

I'm playing Maplestory M these days a bit for fun. I tried playing on a private server a bit, and did enjoy that, but it was sparsely underpopulated. I find that I enjoy Maplestory M, even though it's a far cry from the grindfest I feel nostalgic over, actually because it is so casual (you can auto-quest and auto-battle). It feels relaxing in the same way manually grinding does, oddly.

Minelauva

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #274 on: August 05, 2018, 04:57:04 PM »
Hats, congrats for moving out on your own! It must be nice to have your own place.  :uhhuhyeah:
As for me, I still have about a year left before I can move into my own appartment. But even if it's frustrating sometimes, I enjoy spending time with my family.

It's been a while since I last posted here. Last time, I mentioned wanting to change jobs. I spent the better part of the year trying to make that happen, which explains why I went MIA. But all my hard work paid off since last month, I was offered a promotion!  :yesss:
Now, I will have to fight to get a raise but at least, I got the job. But that also means that I've got more work than ever, especially since I recently came back from a three-week vacation. I've basically turned into Momo-chan from 3am Dangerous Zone. It's a good thing the place I work at closes at 8pm, otherwise I would probably have ended up going home in the middle of the night more than once. But I will have to get this under control since I'm a manager now. I can't take care of people if I'm exhausted. Besides, I'm planning on being here to celebrate our tenth anniversary next year so I won't disappear a second time.   :yougogirl:
« Last Edit: August 05, 2018, 04:59:18 PM by Minelauva »


Anata no Koto wa Sorehodo (ed): ch.5 to be cleaned
Futagashira (ed): ch. 7 to be cleaned
Omi-sensei no binetsu (cl): -
Principal (ed): cleaning ch.26
Teketeke Rendezvous (ed): -

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #275 on: August 17, 2018, 11:58:56 AM »
Congrats on your promotion, Mine!! It must be satisfying to see a change happen because of hard work you put in for a specific goal.

I'm surprised, usually the additional responsibilities that come with a promotion imply a raise at the same time. Did you change companies?

It's past 4 am and normally I wouldn't be working at this time, but my sleep is oh so finicky. So I'm working, which might not entirely be a bad thing, but I'm worried about my sleep schedule long-term. I might write up a longer post about work in the work topic since I'm prone to ruminate at length on such topics.

Take care of yourself, Mine!

Hats

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #276 on: August 17, 2018, 03:54:48 PM »
coco one of these days, I'm going to make you join the team.

Btw, I heard that one of your Atlanta stars is nominated for an award? I think I will watch the series after all.
<---Easy to convince with shiny objects and big speeches
In Progress : [Translating]
& Vol.5, ch25-26 TLcheck: in progress
3 AM Terrible Zone Vol.1, ch04-06: in progress
Ane no Kekkon Vol.4,ch19-24: in progress
Futago Vol.1, ch01-05v2, Vol.5, ch25&extras: in progress
Heartbroken Chocolatier Vol.2, ch06: in progress
Love Master X Vol.1, ch03-ch05: in progress
Nina My Love Vol.3, ch.21: in progress
Suppli Vol.1,ch03-06: in progress
Teke Teke Rendezvous Vol.2, ch17: in progress
Toribako House Vol.1, ch08: in progress

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #277 on: August 24, 2018, 11:37:24 AM »
 :blush: I'm not sure what I would be useful for. Proofreading?

It's another 4 am might as well study or or work day. This time because I went out with coworkers. If I drink enough alcohol, it usually prevents me from sleeping. u_u

Since we're speaking about work, here's a little rumination about it. It wasn't the one I planned, because I had recently been struggling more generally at work, but things have kinda been shifting and I guess this reflects my current mindset more.

Hats

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #278 on: August 25, 2018, 08:11:42 AM »
You can come chat with us on Discord! You. Have. To. Come.
In Progress : [Translating]
& Vol.5, ch25-26 TLcheck: in progress
3 AM Terrible Zone Vol.1, ch04-06: in progress
Ane no Kekkon Vol.4,ch19-24: in progress
Futago Vol.1, ch01-05v2, Vol.5, ch25&extras: in progress
Heartbroken Chocolatier Vol.2, ch06: in progress
Love Master X Vol.1, ch03-ch05: in progress
Nina My Love Vol.3, ch.21: in progress
Suppli Vol.1,ch03-06: in progress
Teke Teke Rendezvous Vol.2, ch17: in progress
Toribako House Vol.1, ch08: in progress

Kusa

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #279 on: August 26, 2018, 12:02:07 PM »
It's 4:47 and coco reminded me that these forums have been a sacred ground for my diary entries that I should re-fertilize with a post (lol) so I'm here to contribute to the tradition of late night posts... even though my battery is running out (eek!).

Hats, the meeting with the former best friend from high school went well! We were pleased she'd developed a charmingly sunny disposition and got along pretty well. We talked about meeting up more regularly and so on but we lead separate lives and have grown apart, so... Interestingly enough, a few months after that we had a reunion with our elementary school best friend.

I thought I might share an update on my life (it's been about a year since I lasted posted? maybe less?) but now that I think about it, there's not much riveting stuff to share. I went back to my internship workplace and it's been going well so far, though I have my moments of stress (and plenty of moments of insecurity as a beginner eng.). I've been getting a little more careful with my heart and am in the process of trying to break things off early with one more cutie (sigh!!) who only wants a casual relationship with me. I bought him a pusheen to say good-bye (coco thinks that makes me look weak :'D).

I went through a phase of a few months of trying to invest time and energy in my friendships and so forth, but I realized that I like having a lot of time to myself actually. So now I've been looking to focus on self-improvement in terms of my career, habits and so forth while setting up stronger boundaries with friends.

So yeah... I've been living the mundane life of an adult seeking virtuous lifestyle and all that! I've been feeling less expressive and/or emotive though. I ought to resume the josei in this site so I have something for my heart to wax over again :-)
« Last Edit: August 26, 2018, 12:04:16 PM by Kusa »

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #280 on: September 03, 2018, 08:10:36 AM »
Quote
You can come chat with us on Discord! You. Have. To. Come.
I joined discord! (as hats already knows)
So excited to have friends to chat about daily life with.  :ohh: It's nice because like.. everyone in SH are young-ish women who can relate to each others' lives, across national or ethnic boundaries. I guess it's the boon of josei drawing people together through the subject matter.

But I still gotta post on here. I don't think I can selfishly bother the people in the discord with lengthy regales of my dating life (or other topics), and I need some written record of my processing via writing. :P

Uhh.. so I promised an update after I met with "promising black boy." I did meet him recently, and there's nothing wrong with him. We do share a lot of interests in common and he seems like a decent person. But I'm not particularly attracted to him and there wasn't much chemistry-- we mostly stuck to surface-level conversation, even when we were hitting on serious topics. I think he'd be a decent friend, but I'm not interested in more.

I have been sticking to my mantra of "meet many, not one" with commitment that makes me a little bit proud. :') In this past week, I met vidja game black boy (for lack of better descriptor ><) / candidate 1 on Wednesday, volunteered with co-workers on Thursday (not super related to dating but another social event in the week x_x), rock climbing bootcamp studying softw. engineer on Friday (god I hope he doesn't read the forums since I shared the link to SH with him ^^;), and went on my monthly date with 42-y.o. on Saturday.

It feels good to be able to say that I at least got to meet a few different people and get a sense of how I click/don't click with people... as opposed to meeting two people in one year, complaining that it feels like a chore and giving up, and feeling like I've made no progress in gaining dating experience or meeting someone I'm interested in.

rock-climbing bootcamp studying softw. engineer: There was actually a little bit more interest there than "promising black boy" when I met this person. He seemed a bit eccentric, but at least I was seeing some more sides to his personality than the dimensions I was able to access for vidja game black boy. We mostly talked about tech though because I get kinda in my head my software engineering educational and work experience, and it's the easiest thing for me to talk about sometimes. So there are holes there missing for his backstory and what he was up to before his bootcamp. I might give this one another chance if he's willing to wait a while for another date (need to space things out after I push myself to meet so many ppl because boy am I an introvert), but honestly, I don't have high hopes for this one going anywhere either. He might be a little more interesting than Candidate 1, but I am not sure it'll be enough for us to make a strong enough connection for a relationship in the end.
I know, I analyze a bit far for a first date. But hey, first impressions!

I mentioned 42-y.o. before and how I space out our meetings. Actually, yesterday was just our third date, since I've stuck to spacing out our dates at least by a month. Actually.. he's the one that I've been able to be most comfortable and natural around, and enjoy myself the most hanging out with. And actually.. part of the reason why I space out my meetings with him, other than conserving my time and drawing boundaries for how emotionally available I am, is to let the initial feelings after each date fade. (...) Ugh. Why is he so good/smooth at handling our interactions, and handling me, a stilted, reserved and unconventional 24-year-old with little to no dating experience, and many inhibitions? I guess those extra 20 years of dating experience must be an advantage. It's also irritating that his face is still attractive. Like dude, you're 42. You'd think those wrinkles would mar his face a little more.

I shouldn't write too much about him for risk of emulating Kusa-levels of mooniness (I hate even thinking of the possibility). But I'm a little afraid that I won't be able to find with anyone else what I've been able to find with him. This is frankly alarming. As much as I think I would enjoy spending time with him, and as much I enjoy consuming & and Ane no Kekkon, I witnessed what my linguistics professor went through by marrying her own professor (ah, the steamy drama). She's 50-something now (I think), still youthful and full of life, and he recently passed away after she had taken care of him for a year or two after he was diagnosed with dementia. In another 8 years, 42 y.o. will be 50 and his body will start wearing down. I'd be 32. He's literally in the generation of my parents, or old enough to be mine. It's enough to have to take care of your parents as they age; imagine having to care of your spouse as well, while you're still young and have so much life to live. /: You know how women worry about cutting their lives short by having children? I think the same applies to committing to someone much older.

This relationship is OK for the short term. I don't know how long it would last, though. And again, it worries me that I'm not finding similar levels of chemistry with other people closer to my own age. Anyway, he may have kissed me a few times on our last date [much to my significant level of mortification and not without significant awkwardness on my part], which is farther than anyone else has gotten with me without me disliking the whole ordeal. :poutpout:

Well, that's not the end. I also have plans to meet with an economics-y seeming nerd this coming Friday, and am trying to figure out where to fit in a first date / hang out with a guy who apparently went to the same consortium of colleges I did.
  • The economics-y seeming nerd I have a few doubts about, but I think it's interesting to see how people stack against each other after you meet them in real life, compared to your initial projections from their dating profile. (Ugh, online dating.) After all, I had hopes for vidja games black boy, but in the end a random bootcamp student with a generic biography did a little better than him.
  • My hopes have shifted from vidja games black boy to consortium alum boy, who seems interesting enough from conversation, a little introverted like me, and has matching taste in anime (he's watched almost everything I've suggested to watch). The concept: anime and chill. Or watching him play stardew valley ^^; But who knows what people are like, in real life. Maybe we'll be horribly awkward and won't connect at all.
Sorry for ranting here on my dating life. I think I've been trying to figure out where I want to go with the people I've met so far. I think I'm counting out Candidate 1 unless just to hang out with him to make a new friend. Candidate 2, rock climbing swe, might get another date but mostly out of obligation to learn a little bit more, not hopes for it going anywhere. 42 y.o. has obnoxiously captured my interest, and we'll be seeing where that goes. Non-candidate 3, economics-y guy I'm kind of hoping will be a dud of some sort. I have a little bit of hope for Candidate 4, but who knows. ...Wish me luck! x_x
« Last Edit: September 03, 2018, 08:25:24 AM by cocoyam »

Kusa

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #281 on: September 03, 2018, 08:17:27 AM »
>risk of emulating Kusa-levels of mooniness
 :grin:

Hats

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #282 on: September 05, 2018, 05:47:46 AM »
Quote from: Kusa
these forums have been a sacred ground for my diary entries that I should re-fertilize with a post (lol)

These are sacred grounds indeed. It may not seem like there's any activity, but that's because staff boards are hidden. We are keeping busy behind the scene. (Or are we?) As long as you and coco keep posting I will keep on reading. Now if only my kitten would stop sitting on my keyboard and blocking my computer screen.

Both of you have really busy dating lives that's for sure. I tend to have very long relationships. I honestly think it may be due to laziness and a tendency to drag things out to the bitter end. I had been asked out on a few dates by random guys since my breakup with my brother's friend, but I never followed through. One really sweet guy (he was black) even asked my sister if he could take me out for dessert. And you know what I did? I pretended to be sick and sent my nephew... I think that last breakup hit me really hard, especially because he knew I had no one else to turn to and my brother was in the hospital. My mom was giving me so much trouble over him because he was four years younger. I told him what went down and asked him if he thought it was a good idea to stop seeing him. And what did he text me? "You won't be alone. At least you'll have your brothers, right?" I think my arm nearly fell off the way I swung it back and then forward to propel that cell phone into the other wall. What made it worse was the phone didn't even hit the wall. It just quietly landed in a pile of laundry. Daaaamn it! And then I just crawled over to pick it up and calmly texted back, "I understand. Good bye." Anyway, we bumped into each other. We held hands. I felt nothing, he probably felt nothing either, and we both never contacted each other after that.

My current boyfriend feels like my last. Even though he was a blind date. Though not a true blind date because I saw him at our beach parties at Bolsa Chica, and his girlfriend with the perfect flat stomach and belly piercing standing in the sun in her bikini was just so blinding. Agh! I don't know if I want marriage, but I can't imagine my life without him now. I've used that corny line on him before (which I seriously RIPPED from a movie and then butchered): "When I close my eyes, I can't see my future. But I can see you in it."  :lazybum:

The only hurdle I see is I'm still close with my high school sweetheart. We got through a funeral for a friend's death together. We share that memory. It's hard to explain it to him.

Anyway, coco, I'm glad you're branching out and meeting new people. Girl, go on those dates! I'm rooting for you to find the right one. And Kusa, I'm glad you're focusing more on your career and that it's giving you some measure of satisfaction.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2018, 05:55:28 AM by Hats »
In Progress : [Translating]
& Vol.5, ch25-26 TLcheck: in progress
3 AM Terrible Zone Vol.1, ch04-06: in progress
Ane no Kekkon Vol.4,ch19-24: in progress
Futago Vol.1, ch01-05v2, Vol.5, ch25&extras: in progress
Heartbroken Chocolatier Vol.2, ch06: in progress
Love Master X Vol.1, ch03-ch05: in progress
Nina My Love Vol.3, ch.21: in progress
Suppli Vol.1,ch03-06: in progress
Teke Teke Rendezvous Vol.2, ch17: in progress
Toribako House Vol.1, ch08: in progress

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #283 on: September 08, 2018, 06:27:27 AM »
Quote
Now if only my kitten would stop sitting on my keyboard and blocking my computer screen.
Kitten?? KITTEN?? :aww: Knew you wouldn't stay non-cat lady for long, Hats.

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And you know what I did? I pretended to be sick and sent my nephew...

Hats borrowing tropes from Asian dramas. Your poor nephew... You must be one strong-arming auntie. *said with an impressed tone*

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I told him what went down and asked him if he thought it was a good idea to stop seeing him. And what did he text me? "You won't be alone. At least you'll have your brothers, right?"
:mad:
What a douche.
Well, rethinking it, maybe he was hurt on his end that you asked that? Communicating is so hard. D:

Quote
Anyway, we bumped into each other. We held hands. I felt nothing, he probably felt nothing either, and we both never contacted each other after that.
Sounds like a fitting end. :scratch:

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My current boyfriend feels like my last. Even though he was a blind date. ... Agh! I don't know if I want marriage, but I can't imagine my life without him now. I've used that corny line on him before (which I seriously RIPPED from a movie and then butchered): "When I close my eyes, I can't see my future. But I can see you in it." 
:ohh: d'aww

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Though not a true blind date because I saw him at our beach parties at Bolsa Chica, and his girlfriend with the perfect flat stomach and belly piercing standing in the sun in her bikini was just so blinding.
:wildthought: Who has him now?

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The only hurdle I see is I'm still close with my high school sweetheart. We got through a funeral for a friend's death together. We share that memory. It's hard to explain it to him.
:poutpout: Ooh. That's tough. Hopefully as long as you make sure your bf feels OK about it because of what you two (you and bf) share. :)

-----

Quote
Both of you have really busy dating lives that's for sure.
Usually not, this is new for me too :bymaself:
I feel like this week has wrought retribution on me for my excessive uptick in Tinder usage.
The date with economic-sy boy was definitely a bust, like it blew up in our faces before it happened. I feel like I was biased against him from the start because I was reading the LDE* (opposite of big dick energy) from him due to the way he interacted with me.

For example, my bio alludes to the fact that I self-identify as an aloof person. His opening message was something to the effect of:
"Aloof? I guess underpromise, overdeliver :smirky-eye-face:"
Which is like... OK? Way to assert outcomes? When people say things that don't resonate or seem on the same wavelength as me, I tend to just reply in a sort of deadpan, reserved manner. I just said "I guess we'll find out, but I tend to be aloof to people in general, not just <something I forget now>"

He proceeded to throw some generic-ish pickup lines* out there, like "What's your favorite sushi place in the city?" and "Have you ever had ceviche at Bar Crudo?" and "Here's what I imagine you are: a girl who's down to go clubbing in Las Vegas, go skiing in the mountain, and will go and get sushi. Did I read you correctly?" (or something slightly more elaborate than that) But I decided to humor it since sushi and ceviche both appealed to me, and I've been trying to be more open in general to just going on dates -- I mean, what is the worst that can happen when you go on a date and can part ways soon afterwards? (Maybe a bad idea in retrospect.)
* I guess they're not strictly pick-up lines but they read to me as low-effort and trying to secure a date asap without getting to know someone first

I asked for Sunday, and he said he was busy then, so I said Wednesday of last week might work, but that I'm often drained by work and if it'd be okay to let him know the day of. He said, "The night before would be best :)" and I said that was fair. On Tuesday night I told him Wednesday didn't look so good (had to arrange a date with vidya-games black boy who just msged me on Monday that he was back in town) so how about next Friday? And he said all right.

On Wednesday he messaged me asking me if I still felt Friday was good, and I was like, "yeah, I think it should still work" or something like that. Which maybe was noncommital enough to make him feel insecure, or something. He asked if I felt like hopping on a phone call with him that night. I was like, pshaw. Pfft. Why would I do that?? I'm a millennial, come on. We don't do that in this age.

I didn't say it exactly like that to him. I just was like, "Haha. What would that be for? I'm one of those millennials. Avoid calls if I can help it. :P"
He said oh something about it can help to get a sense of the other person quickly and if we click.
I jokingly said, "Haha, don't want to commit to a date without doing some more validation first? :P" or something.
He said, "haha yeah, want to make sure we have a connection and it makes sense to move things around in my schedule" or something like that.
I was like. :annoyed-face-emoji: OK, really?? I know this may not be so unreasonable, but I am one of those people who can't be bothered by things like this.
I told him, "Haha. Is Friday difficult to arrange something after all? Just let me know if you'd rather not go out on Friday then. I'd rather not get on a call. :)"
He was like, "why do you feel so differently about a phone call instead of meeting someone in person? It's better than overanalyzing text messages"
This triggered a few paragraphs from me. I said: "I think it's just a personal preference."
He said: "OK, let's just meet on Friday then. :)"
If you recall, I wrote in my last post that I was actually hoping my date with this guy would be a dud, I think because I was already getting some bad signals from him re: initial conversation pick-up lines. By now, I was actively not looking forward to this date and thinking about cancelling.
I continued: "I'm not the most comfortable on the phone, and it's not something I anticipate enjoying. I'm not going to do something I don't anticipate enjoying without any motivation on my part (for someone else's benefit*)" *don't think I wrote this part but it's what I meant"
"Honestly at this point I'm not sure our personalities match that much. I wrote that I am aloof in my bio. I find it hard to be invested in other people, so I'm not going to go through extra effort just for someone else's sake."
"I'm not sure we are on the same wavelength."
"If you still want to meet on Friday after I put all of that out there, then we can."
"Just rather be clear that I'm feeling ambivalent (on my end) at this point."
He said: "I don't understand why you feel getting on a phone call is higher effort than meeting a stranger in-person."
I said: "Yeah, I think we view that differently. You view that as a filter, I view that as extra effort on my part than I normally commit to to meet someone."
By this point, I knew our conversation wasn't going so great.
He took a while longer to reply. When he did, he said: "Are you aloof in person as well?"
"It sounds kind of pretentious to write that in your bio."
Oh, I was furious now. My heart viscerally sped up as it does whenever I feel like I'm in a confrontation.
I said: "When I write that I'm aloof in my bio, I mean that to apply to my person, not just how I text someone on Tinder."
"I wasn't aware that it sounded pretentious. Are you sure you don't mean that I seem pretentious in general? :)"
(Wow coco, way to make a case that you're not pretentious with all that hard-ass formal language. That's definitely me and my genuine feelings, though.)
He said: "It kind of sounds view other people as entertainment and think you're busy" or something like that. At this point I was mad enough that I wasn't reading carefully any more before replying. (Btw: I do put in my bio that I am a busy introvert, so he was probably reading off of that as well.)
I said: "I don't view other people as entertainment. I think it's honest though. I find it hard to be invested in strangers I've never met."
"That said, maybe you're reading me accurately enough as far it matters for you. At this point, I'm no longer interested in meeting on Friday."
He said: "lol k."
I wrote: "Nice talking." and unmatched him.

This exchange kind of really annoyed and frustrated me, not because I felt a loss at being able to meet this guy (I think my read on him was already sort of affecting the way I was responding to him, which probably fed into his poor ego and insecurity) but because I've gotten this sort of general reaction before and maybe it's a sore spot for me.

First of all, I felt it was a bit low for him to come at me with what felt like petty insults, suggesting I was pretentious -- on my end, I don't think I would accuse people or sling insults without huge cause to believe it. I may be distant, but I'm formally polite to a fault and always give people the huge benefit of doubt when I express my feelings, even if I have a problem with you. So that really pissed me off. Also, if you think it's pretentious, don't match me in the first place! Dumbass.

But when I cool off, I acknowledge that I get prickly, fast, and that's sort of what happened when he kept on annoying me with his suggestions of a phone call. (I didn't feel like we were on the same wavelength, at all. I write that I'm aloof and a busy introvert, and you think asking for a phone call is a good idea??)
Anyway, even though it seemed like a low insult to me, I do understand that maybe he was genuinely expressing his feelings in an honest way in that moment, not necessarily intending it to be a low insult, when he wrote: "Are you aloof in person as well?" "It sounds kind of pretentious to write that in your bio." That he was probably mostly reacting to how prickly I get, fast, and the hard walls I put up to other people once I feel like they're encroaching on my boundaries..

I just feel like.. I don't bother sugarcoating what I write because that is genuinely how distant I feel from people, and how irritated I feel when they ask me to do things I feel I don't want to do for their sake, and not my own. I'm really tired of doing emotional labor to make sure everyone's feelings are safe and sound and not hurt by me expressing how I genuinely feel. That involves a lot of couching, and "Ah well I feel..." "but hope that doesn't offend you" and "haha :)" that I honestly don't feel like doing as a hard bitch. (excuse my language) But I guess this doesn't bode well for me in personal relationships...

Anyway, I didn't even tell Kusa the details of the exchange, just that it really aggravated me and probably gave off this exasperated holier-than-thou air and she immediately had this knee-jerk off-put reaction and proceeded to lecture me on how stony I get and how off-putting that is for people, and how it seems like I have an issue. She said it's not how I express myself that is the issue, it's the fact that I feel like that (so stony and distant aka above being affected by or bothered with other people's feelings) in the first place. :poutpout: That really kind of hurt, because she was saying similar things to this damn stranger, and she didn't even hear the details...

Sigh.

And then of course there was the catfishing incident. :wahhh:
« Last Edit: September 16, 2018, 05:47:38 AM by cocoyam »

cocoyam

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Re: Best/Worst thing that happened today
« Reply #284 on: October 06, 2018, 05:30:55 AM »
To follow the appropriate format:

Best thing that happened today: Hard to say, but probably that I went home with a little collection of nail polish from work I've been eyeing. (We used to film videos for diy projects so have some random materials like that.)

Worst thing that happened today: I'm still working (10:20pm). :wahhh: Not hard stuff, but all these little bits and ends that I have to wrap up. I was really looking forward to using this Friday to clean up, relax in the hot tub, swim, read Murakami, make candles and watercolor. Ugh. >.> Hopefully I can still do some of that tomorrow...

My co-worker friend also came up to me after work, when I was trapped at the office by work, and held me hostage in conversation for probably close to an hour or so. I'm not good at extracting myself from those situations and saying, "I'm trying to get something done here..." wah

Here to vent: I genuinely feel that my boss / manager doesn't really care much about our weekends. He'd rather us always wrap something up on the weekend to launch it sooner, even if it wasn't properly timescoped so we could actually finish it before the weekend. If this is that type of start-up environment where we always need to be scrambling to make that difference, I can't say I'm enthralled and likely to tolerate it forever. >.>